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Jokes

Postby CrispyLog » 07 Oct 2012, 13:14

Humour has the power to unite the world, so let's use it to unite us all! We are all good people, and good people tell bad jokes :P (that was the first of many laughs you will have in this thread).

What do you call a lollipop without a stick?





A lollidrop !


:)

A woman gives birth and the doctor tells her husband he has good news and bad news. The husband asks for the bad news first, to which the doctor replies the baby is a ginger.
"What's the good news?" The husband asks, disheartened.
"It's dead", replies the doctor.

:)
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Re: Jokes

Postby Carbon64 » 07 Oct 2012, 13:23

"After costing us a fortune over the years, I hope Abu Hamza rots in jail in America."Said Mr.P.Smith, a hook a duck stall holder from Finsbury Park, London.

I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world."Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world. ( for reference I am not American. )

And last one for just now.

My job is so f**king unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts.I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel in the crown has got to be the f**king stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work.He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big f**king dog to work.Every f**king day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing.Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single f**king day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and s**t.
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Re: Jokes

Postby rbt2 » 07 Oct 2012, 13:25

One thing you should know about me, Izo.....I ain't a nice bloke.
Don't get me wrong, I am a nice bloke really.
I reckon I come across as a nice bloke on here for the most part.
And I am. For the most part.
It's just when people try to treat me like sum sorta c**t that I ain't a nice bloke.
In this virtual world or the real one.
Sort this out.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Izo » 07 Oct 2012, 13:27

I'm sure you are RBT but lets leave it out of this thread or PM me.
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Re: Jokes

Postby rbt2 » 07 Oct 2012, 13:33

It's good that you have acknowledged me in public, Izo.
That's good on your part but f**k all that PM'ing bollox!
You have locked my threads in public so let us sort this lark out in public.
Bad news for you that this is a totally free Sundee for me though.
I meant what I said previously though.
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Re: Jokes

Postby CrispyLog » 07 Oct 2012, 13:44

rbt2 wrote:One thing you should know about me, Izo.....I ain't a nice bloke.
Don't get me wrong, I am a nice bloke really.
I reckon I come across as a nice bloke on here for the most part.
And I am. For the most part.
It's just when people try to treat me like sum sorta c**t that I ain't a nice bloke.
In this virtual world or the real one.
Sort this out.


f**ks sake. You just can't f**king help yourself can you.
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Re: Jokes

Postby El Mag » 07 Oct 2012, 13:45

Nintendo fans.

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Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Reegeee » 07 Oct 2012, 13:47

CrispyLog wrote:
rbt2 wrote:One thing you should know about me, Izo.....I ain't a nice bloke.
Don't get me wrong, I am a nice bloke really.
I reckon I come across as a nice bloke on here for the most part.
And I am. For the most part.
It's just when people try to treat me like sum sorta c**t that I ain't a nice bloke.
In this virtual world or the real one.
Sort this out.


f**ks sake. You just can't f**king help yourself can you.


It was better than your post! :lol:
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Re: Jokes

Postby rbt2 » 07 Oct 2012, 13:47

CrispyLog wrote:
rbt2 wrote:One thing you should know about me, Izo.....I ain't a nice bloke.
Don't get me wrong, I am a nice bloke really.
I reckon I come across as a nice bloke on here for the most part.
And I am. For the most part.
It's just when people try to treat me like sum sorta c**t that I ain't a nice bloke.
In this virtual world or the real one.
Sort this out.


f**ks sake. You just can't f**king help yourself can you.

Shut your f**king mouth up and post up a video of your private parts/doings.

That'll make a f**king change.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Multiplayerking » 07 Oct 2012, 13:48

Ladies and gentlemen, the off-topic forum.
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Re: Jokes

Postby spaceman_DOUG » 07 Oct 2012, 13:50

Why did the chicken on LSD cross the road?

To get to the other siiiiiiiiiiiide maaaaan.
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Re: Jokes

Postby CrispyLog » 07 Oct 2012, 13:51

Reegeee wrote:
It was better than your post! :lol:


What? My post had three amazing jokes, one was a little one that just came from the conversation, one was a homemade puntastic belter and the other was a ginger joke! That's like the three best jokes you can have.


What do you call someone you just had sex with?

A taxi!

Ha, just made that one up too :)
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Re: Jokes

Postby Multiplayerking » 07 Oct 2012, 13:53

I don't know if you people realise how deep that 'chicken crossing the road' joke goes.

The chicken wants to cross the road to get hit by a car, so that he can get to the 'other side', to heaven. Crazy, right?
Or did everyone know that?
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Re: Jokes

Postby CrispyLog » 07 Oct 2012, 13:59

What do you call the only person MPK has had sex with?


Himself!

ZING!
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Re: Jokes

Postby Mmmmgrolsch » 07 Oct 2012, 14:01

Abu Hamza is being deported to the States.

It's been a long time since the Americans have been excited about a Muslim flying towards them.
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