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Nintendo are Flawless, Brilliant - Perfect in Every Way

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Nintendo are Flawless, Brilliant - Perfect in Every Way

Postby lordirongut » 21 Jun 2012, 17:33

Nintendo are such an amazing company. In 30 years they've never done anything anti-consumer, they've never had a single bad product, and they've always been a shining light of promise and hopefulness to all gamers that evil megacorporations like Sony and Microsoft could never be. Everything they've ever done has always been in our best interests without exception.

They've provided us with so many great games over the years - focusing on the two great pillars that are Zelda and Mario. They've seen how we, the consumers, have loved them so much, that they've given us what we've wanted for almost 30 years - more of the same! This is something that evil megacorporations like Sony and Microsoft, who publish generic, derivative and creatively bland dreck like Alan Wake, Heavy Rain, Journey, Bastion and many other generic, derivative, creatively bland franchises - could never, ever hope to understand.

Another great thing is how Nintendo have innovated - first was the amazing, beloved-by-all Virtual Boy. What an amazing bit of kit. Cleverly, they also pioneered console disc drives with the N64 DD - don't listen to the evil megacorporation's propaganda, the N64 did it first! And, of course, it did it best, with classic titles like Mario Artist: Paint Studio and Doshin the Giant - which could never be matched by the generic, derivative and creatively bland dreck put out by the evil megacorporation on it's CD's - which wereobviously copied from Nintendo. And even better - Nintendo chose to make CDs an option - the evil megacorporations forced them on you, but Nintendo saved you by making most games only available on cartridges! After all, only generic, derivative, creatively bland games need disc space - Nintendo games didn't need it!

Oh, and let's not forget how Nintendo pioneered a whole new type of games console - one entirely devoted to sports and fitness titles! What genius! Only Nintendo could come up with such a brilliant idea. The evil megacorporations just want you to play their generic, derivative, creatively bland games with their generic, derivative and creatively bland third party partners - which Nintendo obviously doesn't need!

Let's not forget other Nintendo innovations - they invented region lock! Obviously, this fantastic system was there to protect us from games that Nintendo knew - through its magnificence - that we wouldn't like. Nintendo actually went one further and added it to it's handheld - protecting us from making the wrong purchases when we go abroad! Only Nintendo could have such foresight! The evil megacorporations allow anarchy - letting us buy from wherever we want even though those games weren't designed for us. It's disgusting - how could they allow us the freedom to do such a thing? Goddamn evil megacorporations...

Nintendo is also by far the best at online features - not only did the GameCube pioneer with Phantasy Star Online, the Wii added a whole new dimension with Friend Codes. While the evil megacorporations force their users to choose a username, Nintendo give you one for free! I love mine - I love having 7654982313909763 as my online handle! And what's more, you get a new one for every game! The evil megacorporations only let you have one username - Nintendo let us have as many as we want! Nintendo, in their wisdom, have also seen fit to protect us all online from obscene images that our fellow users might share. This is one of Nintendo's greatest triumphs - Nintendo can tell us what we can and can't see on the Wii U! The evil megacorporations allow total anarchy - Nintendo are acting in our best interests to stop that.

I hope I've educated you all as to why Nintendo are the best and you should all sell your evil megacorporation consoles and buy from Nintendo instead!
"Our world cannot be viewed through the glasses of common sense" - Masato Arai.

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Re: Nintendo are Flawless, Brilliant - Perfect in Every Way

Postby Izo » 21 Jun 2012, 17:37

What the hell?
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Re: Nintendo are Flawless, Brilliant - Perfect in Every Way

Postby Balladeer » 21 Jun 2012, 17:37

I didn't read any of your post, so I'm just going to assume that you're being sincere with the title and agree. :D
StonecoldMC wrote:The only ones who might Win E3 are the websites like CVG (who again had record traffic to the site for E3 yesterday) who will make millions out of the billions of comments made discussing who f**king won E3.

GNamer, for Nintendo talk.
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Re: Nintendo are Flawless, Brilliant - Perfect in Every Way

Postby lordirongut » 21 Jun 2012, 17:52

Izo wrote:What the hell?


Satire of the assorted ramblings of the assorted Nintendo fanboys across the internet.

Balladeer wrote:I didn't read any of your post, so I'm just going to assume that you're being sincere with the title and agree. :D


Of which Balladeer is one of them :lol:
"Our world cannot be viewed through the glasses of common sense" - Masato Arai.

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Re: Nintendo are Flawless, Brilliant - Perfect in Every Way

Postby Izo » 21 Jun 2012, 18:01

I thought Stealth had commandeered your account.
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Re: Nintendo are Flawless, Brilliant - Perfect in Every Way

Postby dwhlufc » 21 Jun 2012, 18:01

I thought stealth or sentinator had hacked you then! :wink:
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Re: Nintendo are Flawless, Brilliant - Perfect in Every Way

Postby Mmmmgrolsch » 21 Jun 2012, 18:14

Brilliant thread :lol: I guess I'm not the only one that's noticed how perfect Nintendo are for gamers?
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Re: Nintendo are Flawless, Brilliant - Perfect in Every Way

Postby CrispyLog » 21 Jun 2012, 18:18

I take back all the horrible things I've said about you, Japan and Yorkshire.

I love you.

Someone find Ballas house and put these on poster all round his place until he cries. Do it to Ric too as he's a Ninty bumboy too.
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Re: Nintendo are Flawless, Brilliant - Perfect in Every Way

Postby El Mag » 21 Jun 2012, 18:25

Make this a feature on the main page, somebody, anybody, please!
Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.
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Re: Nintendo are Flawless, Brilliant - Perfect in Every Way

Postby dwhlufc » 21 Jun 2012, 18:33

STICKIE!!!
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Re: Nintendo are Flawless, Brilliant - Perfect in Every Way

Postby Boethius » 21 Jun 2012, 19:19

£70-£90 pound cartridges, always in the consumer interest... ha, ha, they were charging massive amounts for exclusive storage media when CD's were mainstream. Sorry to burst your bubble baby boy but Nintendo are just a bunch of business men like the rest of them, they just tricked you.
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Re: Nintendo are Flawless, Brilliant - Perfect in Every Way

Postby ricflair » 21 Jun 2012, 19:23

Nintendo's reputation has taken a pounding these last few weeks, and it's nothing to do with their s**tty E3 show; it was the behaviour of about half a dozen people on these forums! It even hit their share price!!

But let's face it, they s**t on Sony and MS when it comes to gameplay. Only Platinum get close. Maybe Treasure.
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Re: Nintendo are Flawless, Brilliant - Perfect in Every Way

Postby CrispyLog » 21 Jun 2012, 19:27

ricflair wrote:But let's face it, they s**t on Sony and MS when it comes to gameplay. Only Platinum get close. Maybe Treasure.


Depends what you define as gameplay. Yes they are the best at making a s**tty little plumber jump u and down for no reason other than to bore you to death, and they are good at making a s**tty fantasy rpg with simple combat, no depth and a boring linear quest of nothingness.

But most people don't count that as gameplay. So in that regard you are wrong.
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Re: Nintendo are Flawless, Brilliant - Perfect in Every Way

Postby dwhlufc » 21 Jun 2012, 19:33

Boethius wrote:£70-£90 pound cartridges, always in the consumer interest... ha, ha, they were charging massive amounts for exclusive storage media when CD's were mainstream. Sorry to burst your bubble baby boy but Nintendo are just a bunch of business men like the rest of them, they just tricked you.

:lol:
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Re: Nintendo are Flawless, Brilliant - Perfect in Every Way

Postby ricflair » 21 Jun 2012, 19:34

CrispyLog wrote:
ricflair wrote:But let's face it, they s**t on Sony and MS when it comes to gameplay. Only Platinum get close. Maybe Treasure.


Depends what you define as gameplay. Yes they are the best at making a s**tty little plumber jump u and down for no reason other than to bore you to death, and they are good at making a s**tty fantasy rpg with simple combat, no depth and a boring linear quest of nothingness.

But most people don't count that as gameplay. So in that regard you are wrong.


You are entitled to your opinion, you orc sexer. But as an orc sexer, you are never, ever, EVER allowed to criticise combat!!
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